If anyone is still watching this page, you'll have noticed that nothing gets updated. Pretty much ever. lol Well, that basically corresponds accurately to the artwork that I've been doing, or rather.. not doing. I get a few ideas every now and then, but usually I'm way too busy to carry them out. And yes, it's not just a matter of time but also of priority. There's so much in general that I want to do that I'll never be able to fully accomplish everything over the course of this lifetime, and the only solution is assigning my goals qualitatively.

Unfortunately, I'm in the process of working through one of my most important goals - college - which leaves little free time as it is for other experiences. The best way I've found to navigating courses is devoting myself entirely to the workload instead of fighting it, which is hard to do but has kept me relatively sane. A major downside to this is that I feel my room for creativity has become extremely limited. We're supposed study these ways of thinking and regurgitate it on tests, but when it comes time to provide our own input, I feel lost.

Do any of you guys ever feel like this? The extent of my artistic creativity right now is in organizing my life, but when something like college does that for you, I can't help but think I'm doing something wrong here.

The past year was a fun time.. I've been on a long hiatus from any sort of drawing. For one, I've been so busy with school and whatnot that any attempt to focus on art would have been a missed opportunity in other areas that were of higher priority to me, namely relaxing and hanging out with friends. For two, I consider it a break from my experiences in AP Art, where I was constantly up late into the evening for what turned out to be no point at all. Perhaps no point in the practical sense you may say, and I did indeed learn a lot, but I'm a weak person and benefit largest when I can see the direct reward from my work.

I have no idea when I'll start again, but I suppose it's at the point in my life where I become flooded with inspiration and need to release it in some creative fashion. Until then, anything I attempt with be forcing me to get back into the habit, nothing more.

Man, I am so pissed. Shit. Damn all of this work to Hell.

I got a 3 (out of 5) on my AP Drawing portfolio which included a lot of the work that you see around this site. When I found out, I was pretty angry, but hoped that they might give me credit for it anyway. Nope. The entire year last year I wasted countless hours upon hours doing the pieces and getting them done in time to send in, and it was all for absolutely nothing.

Fuck personal improvement if I'm having to do this crap because I have to. All of these people telling me, "ooh ahh," how great this drawing is or that drawing, well it doesn't mean shit if people who are actually judging think they suck. And they're right, what am I playing at? If you can't draw absolutely fantastic drawings with deep and endless meanings, then it's nothing more than a useless hobby. And even if you can, you can't even use your passion as your job because you'll end up broke.

I must look like an utter loser keeping all of these crappy drawings in a portfolio and showing them to people who ask to see them. Like, "look at me, I'm showing off complete crap!" Fuck that, fuck these drawings, fuck "talent." It's all bullshit.

Today, I took all of my drawings outside and re-took the pictures in natural sunlight, then replaced the current images I have up except for the five that are currently being sent to the AP testing site (Time is Slow, Lazy Dog, Prism Silence, Do You Know Me, and Quatro). That means that the rest of the pictures you see up are completely all-natural. All I did in Photoshop was crop and put on a border.

I also have a new set-up under the descriptions.

Theme: Message of picture [assigned by teacher]
Medium(s): What I used to draw the piece
Dimensions: Height by width
Grade: When I drew it

There are 11 new additions to the scraps section, but you don't have to look at those. A lot of the things that I put up today were for archive reasons, as I mentioned in the descriptions of the scrap pieces, so please avoid judging on quality, heh.

Other than that.. enjoy.